My twenties were an exciting time. It seemed every new experience was embraced and every discovery had new life in it. Even hard times presented a challenge to be conquered.
However, there is a shift that is happening. As I am now rounding out my twenties and looking to thirty, the simple joy of experiencing new things and tackling challenges doesn’t satisfy quite the same as it used to. As I approach thirty I realize that what was once a quiet whisper of dissatisfaction is much louder.
I desire more. I desire great things.
Though my desire for new and fresh experiences is still there, I have more focused desires now. Like the desire to grow. Of course growth has always been a goal of my twenties, but it seemed to happen as a natural result of simply embracing and discovering the world around me. Thirty seems like an era of intentional pursuit.
Through the counsel of a super-wise woman, I started trying to more specifically identify my “dreams” or the source of my dissatisfaction. I started to think through, “what do I really desire”, even down to the small detail. As I walked through this process I found it was like I was identifying missing pieces of a puzzle. While this brought clarity, it also caused frustration to surface, because like with any picture it is easy to get frustrated when the picture is not complete. My mentor explained it to me like this:
Often times our life can feel like a puzzle with a few missing pieces, and while it’s important to identify those missing pieces it is equally, if not more, important to identify the pieces of the picture that are already in place.
I realized that the complete picture is not much different from what I already have. There is already so much in place that is worth celebrating: an outstanding husband, beautiful healthy children, a stay at home life where I pursue things as I please, a great church community, and more. What a shame it would be to enter my thirties harping on what I don’t yet have!
By identifying the pieces of the picture already in place I am better able to identify what’s missing. Feeling dissatisfied no longer seems like a negative thing. Instead, the dissatisfaction has caused a gradual recognition of the things that make me, me.
For example, I love to encourage people. I love to encourage Christians to go deeper in relationship with Christ. I want to propel others into their God-given gifts and abilities that they might find their destinies in Him. I am frustrated with the status-quo of culture and Christianity. Jesus was so very different, yet sometimes Christians seem so… normal.
I’m not content with keeping my life where it is because more of me is ready to come out.
Dissatisfaction is propelling me into my thirties with ambition, excitement and action. I have a better recognition for what I’m capable of, and great confidence in what I already have. Thirty, here I come, nervous, but excited.